You said you have a plan?

“I’m behind.” Behind whom? “This isn’t where I’m supposed to be.” Who says? Let’s talk about timing, my friends. We can plan all we want but life happens between the plans & can make the path a little less straight than we imagined it. It doesn’t work that simply most of the time. Yes, we must set goals to continue to move ahead but it doesn’t always work out the way we wanted it to. For better or for worse, things happen the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. We can fight our way to a point but if the timing is right combined with the work you’re willing to put in, there will be a significantly less fight involved. The cool part is when things happen that seem to deter us from our intended goal & ultimately take us to a place, we didn’t even know we wanted to go.

I never planned to be a single mom for the last thirteen years. I admit it was my idea to start a life that I had never had & I was ready for the adventure when I filed for divorce. I never planned to be married to a control freak or to have to leave an abusive (2nd) marriage & start over again. Funny part is although the journey kind of sucked at first, the result was amazing and standing at the top of that mountain, I had a view of what I had climbed, and it was spectacular.

People don’t start in high school to plan out their lives to figure in their divorce, financial failures, major medical issues, or whatever catastrophic event that may come up. But we are fully capable of dealing with it and regenerating. I mean that the good news is that we don’t start over exactly. We get a second chance to do it over with the knowledge & experience we already earned. We don’t lose it all. We only lose a small part. Whoa! That means that we could come back even better than where we were! Yes, you can if you have the right mindset & know what things you need to change so you don’t simply repeat the past over again.

I have teenage twins that just graduated from high school. My daughter’s plan was always to go to college on a sports scholarship for soccer. She was offered several during her senior year. My son’s plan was to join the military while waiting to be able to go to the police academy and let the military pay for college. Just a couple months before graduation, they both freaked out and changed their minds. In my daughter’s case, several times. As a mom I was losing it while I stressed constantly over what they were going to do. Ultimately the opportunities were lost to be able to attend college commitment engagements, senior night & graduation announcements sharing where they would be going & what they would be doing. They missed out on the letters of acceptance and scholarships proudly displayed for their classmates. I was an utter mess.

I eventually realized that my stress & fears were primarily coming from my own biases. Although I told my kids that in a few months, no one would care or even remember if they had committed somewhere, it was still bothering me. I told them to take their time in making decisions to be sure it was the right one because that was more important that what anyone thought. I meant it! But I still worried about what I’d look like as a mom. With all the responsibility on me all these years, I was afraid of what people were thinking of my kids as if they were the result of a science experiment gone wrong. I finally realized that the struggles I’ve had were not theirs to carry & it was not fair to them to hold that burden. I meant what I said but I had to end the conflict of what I knew was right in my head but was so hard on my heart. In the end, what I wanted was the best for my kids. I wanted them to find what they wanted and what they were reaching for that would make them happy. Past experiences are a major factor in our mindset toward our goals and can easily spill out around us if we don’t recognize them & deal with them.

Even in personal relationships, I am totally not where I want to be but I’m not settling! The timing may not be what I want but it is always perfect. I’ve come to realize that the main thing keeping me from finding a relationship is the fear factor. I’m not afraid to fail. I’m afraid of everyone watching me fail again. I’m working on it & we can talk more about that later. In the meantime, I know there is a bigger, better plan than I often have but I keep trying to move forward. I’ve just learned to take the waves in stride and ride them out. I never imagined that this is the way my life would turn out and yet here I am and I’m doing just fine, if I do say so myself. Worry about what it is you want. Be realistic but go for it. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, says or may say. It’s not their journey to take and you don’t want any regrets in the end for the chances you didn’t take.